I’m a guy. I’m in my 20’s. I’m single. Here’s what I have to say to you.
Dear Girl by the Dumpster at Stanford.
- First off, I have to say how hard it is for me to write about this, not because I don’t want to talk about it, but because the ENTIRE story just breaks heart and makes me angry all at the same time.
- It’s important because women need to know they’re not the only ones infuriated with rape and this kind of injustice. So with that said, I want to apologize to the girl who was raped behind a dumpster at a college campus.
- I’m so sorry.
- I’m so sorry it wasn’t me who found you by the dumpster instead of him. I would have called for help while trying to get you to eat some bread. I would have gone to your phone to try and call one of your friends to come get you. I would have given you my coat, not removed yours.
- I’m so sorry.
- You are not just “20 minutes of action” as his father put it. You are not some girl at a party. You are not alone in your fight.
- I’m single. I’m male. I’m in my 20’s. I respect you. I grieve with you.
- I don’t want you to think, not even a second, that you “asked for it” or that any of this is “your fault.” As men, it’s our job to protect women regardless of what they wear or how much they drink.
- I’m so sorry that instead of a broken down man in a ball of tears you got an emotionless courtroom statement that turned you from victim to the guilty. I wish jail would sometimes work like time out—you can’t come out until you realize the gravity of what you’ve done and are truly ready to apologize. Granted, this would mean your attacker would spend the rest of his life in prison. And I’m okay with that.
- I can’t tell you how proud I am of the way you’re handling it. I so desperately want you to know you’re not alone and it’s not just girls that stand with you. I pray you know that this case doesn’t define you. You may feel broken, but I know a guy who’s in the business of making all things new. He’s doing it for me as we speak. You are not worth less because of what happened, if anything I pray this makes you stronger as you see your support come through the woodwork to remind you of the beautiful creation you are.
- Also, this is what I wish I could go back in time and tell your attacker about consent.
- Here’s a bit of truth for ya, if you’re even ASKING this stupid question “Is it okay to have sex now?” then news flash…IT’S NOT OKAY!
- The goal of a relationship isn’t to get to the moment where you get “the signal” —the goal is to get to the “I do.” Keep it in your pants!
- We’re so fixated on this stupid freaking question. “When is it okay to have sex?”
GET TO KNOW HER, MEET HER FAMILY, MEET HER FRIENDS, SPOIL HER, HAVE HER TEACH YOU SOME OF HER HOBBIES, READ BOOKS TOGETHER, HIKE TOGETHER, LAUGH TOGETHER, HAVE A RELATIONSHIP.
- OK, end of rant!
I guess I get really heated about this because I can’t imagine a world where I’d want to sleep with someone who doesn’t want to sleep with me. I’m a Christian, so sex and love go hand in hand in my world. I’ve loved people who didn’t love me back and that sucked, so why would I want to force someone to share such a moment of intimacy when they don’t want to be there? Maybe because I have sisters I have a soft spot for women—or maybe it’s just because I’m not a pig and my dad would beat the crap out of me if I ever touched a girl with violence instead of defend me.
- I don’t know.
But I do know is that I’m here. I can’t erase what he did to you but I can stand with you. I can and will pray for you and your family.