The Most Brutal Comebacks Ever.

#1 F You!

“My crazy neighbor’s crazy daughters, who are identical twins, are having a massive argument:

Twin 1: “F*ck you you ugly bitch!” Twin 2: “We’re twins you f*cking moron!”

They heard me laughing.”

#2 The Pediatrician

“My dad is a pediatrician. Someone said to my brother: “Your dad touched my balls.”

My brother’s response was: “Yeah, and you paid him for it.”

#3 Your Mom

“This one happened TO me. Absolutely brutal, but hilarious.

I was on a job site with a co-worker named Scott, redoing some plumbing in an empty house. We had an iPod going, and a song by White Zombie comes on. I can’t remember the name of it, but the intro has audio clips of a woman having an orgasm. I yell to Scott “Hey, I think your wife is here!” He was sweeping up some dust after drilling a hole through some concrete, so, he scoops it up, walks over, and very slowly pours it on the floor in front of me with a smirk on his face and says “Hey Pat, your mom’s here.”

My mother had been cremated about 3 weeks before this happened. Rekt.”

#4 Pepto

“When I was 12-ish, the mean girl in dance class watched me spill water on myself, then said “Smooth move, exlax”, so I said “Thanks, pepto-bitch-mol”. Ten years later and I still haven’t beaten that one.”

#5 Pray 4 Virginia

“When a hurricane was pounding his home state, Chris Brown tweeted “Please pray for Virginia.”

TV writer Danny Zuker responded, “Oh God, what did you do to her?”

#6 QC

“Back in the day I was in Quality Control (USAF). QC were the bad guys who were always checking up on how equipment and aircraft were being repaired and maintained. We were the guys who wanted to see the technical data out, open and being followed. We wore black baseball caps with white “QC” letters on them. One evening I wandered into the Avionics building around the midnight shift change time. There I was spotted by a Technical Sergeant who did not like me much. He was surrounded by three young female troops and apparently couldn’t resist showing off for them and f*cking with me. He said loudly “Look out… It’s QC – the Queer Chaser.” I quickly replied “That’s right, Sergeant Boyle… I’ll give you five minutes head start.” The girls all burst out laughing and the sergeant turned red… and never bothered me again.”

#7 The Wrong One

“Which one of us is a city council member?” “Apparently the wrong one”

Me, 11 years old, debating a CC member during an election campaign.”




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